Archive for the ‘adult children’ Tag

Adult Children And House Rules (Part 4)

It isn’t easy to stand by and watch as someone you love makes choices that you know will have a bad outcome, or which you do not personally agree with. As parents of adult children, you must first and foremost respect their rights as adults.

Whether they live under your roof or not, you have no right to insist upon setting rules which interfere in their right to choose for themselves what to do with their own life. You do have the right to make sure that their choices do not interfere with your home and the rest of the families security, however. For instance, we have an ADT alarm system at our house for our family’s protection, we also have a rule that it must be set by ten each night.

Exceptions

In some cases, there is true and imminent danger involved to the safety and welfare of your adult child, their children, your own underage children, or yourself. In these cases, you have every right and responsibility to act. A few examples would be as follows:

Clear child abuse or neglect as outlined by your state government. Your opinion that something is neglectful or abusive must be substantiated by state law before you have the right to intervene because it may well be just your opinion.

Clear animal abuse or neglect as outlined by your state or local government. Your opinion that something is neglectful or abusive must be substantiated by state or local law before you have the right to intervene because it may well be just your opinion.

Alcohol and Drug abuse. If their life or the life of another is at risk by all means intervene. This is where programs such as Al-Anon can help you understand the dynamics and what you can and should do. You may have to become acquainted with the principles of tough love and actually hold an “intervention” to help your adult child.

The best way to teach our children is through the example that we set. They learn far more from what we do than what we say, and they do watch what we do very closely. If we expect them to live a certain way, we must be consistently and without hypocrisy living that way ourselves. Then, if we set a good example, they may choose to adopt our philosophy and way of life for themselves. They also may choose to go their own way. The point is that it is their life and their choice, and that must always be respected.

Keep in mind that with more people coming in and our of your home, you may find that your home security can come to be somewhat compromised. Consider investing in a home alarm system from a respected company like ADT if you don’t already have one.

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Adult Children And House Rules (Part 3)

Chores: Adult children should be solely responsible for maintaining the cleanliness of their own living spaces. If there are common areas that multiple members of the household will share, there will need to be a chore schedule or general agreement that will work for everyone. If the laundry room is to be shared, you might want to consider giving each member an official laundry day so that you don’t run into any conflicts in timing.

Other rules: Because it is your household, you retain the right to ban specific behaviors and certain items such as, for example, alcohol, drugs, and swearing from your home. If you think something will have a negative impact on your home or its inhabitants, especially any underage children that may be present, you should make sure that your adult children know and will respect your wishes. Make sure to keep these rules focused on the home environment, not what your grown-up children do when they are away from home.

Children and pets: If your adult children have children of their own that will be living in your home with them, they should be expected to keep their children supervised and cared for and instructed on how to abide by the house rules. Everyone in a household should have the right to at least a certain degree of privacy and everyone should respect each others belongings. If your adult children are bringing pets into the household, they should be expected to take proper care of them and take financial responsibility for any damages that they might cause.

Don’t forget to protect those you love and care for the most with a home security system, which can provide a lifeline in case of medical emergencies, fires, and of course burglaries. I personally recommend ADT home security systems. ADT is the leading provider of home security systems in the U.S., with more than 100 years of experience.

Adult Children And House Rules (Part 2)

For these reasons, it is important that if your adult children will be living with you, the rules you set as “House Rules” should focus exclusively on the household. Here are some common topics you will want to come to an understanding about:

Rent. This is usually the easy part. Still, you’ll want to make sure all parties are very clear on what is expected, and when. Make sure to discuss these important issues: How much? Does the rent amount you agree on cover shelter only, or are food, utilities, and other expenses such as long distance telephone service or cable television also covered? If food is not included in the rent, will your child be responsible for buying their own groceries, or contribute to the household’s grocery bill? If they are contributing to the household’s total grocery bill, will they pay a set amount each month or will it vary based on each particular month’s expenditure. When will the grocery money come due? When is the rent due, and what happens if it is paid late? Will you require your child to pay a deposit? If so, will the deposit be returned completely or partially when they move out if certain conditions are met? If there are conditions, what are they?

Company. If you choose, it is perfectly reasonable for you to set hours for entertaining guests. You’ll also want to set ground rules pertaining to visiting rules where members of the opposite sex are concerned, and how late company is welcome in the house. To be fair, house rules should apply to every member of the household unconditionally.

Don’t forget to protect those you love and care for the most with a home security system, which can provide a lifeline in case of medical emergencies, fires, and of course burglaries. I personally recommend ADT home security systems. ADT is the leading provider of home security systems in the U.S., with more than 100 years of experience.

Adult Children And House Rules (Part 1)

Living with your adult children can be tricky business. Although they are still you children, they are also adults and should act and be treated accordingly. This extends to the rules that you can impose upon them while they are still living under your roof or relying on your financial support. Regardless of where and how your children are living and providing for themselves, you will need to adjust to the idea that you will not and should not have the same type of control over their life and conduct as you did before they turned eighteen. Understand where and when to draw the line is an important part of the learning process for you and your adult children and will make everyone’s experience more enjoyable, predictable, and manageable.

It is hard on any parent to watch their children make mistakes and yet it is a vital part of learning and maturing. You always retain the right to voice your opinion, but when you find yourself with the urge to intervene in their lives, ask yourself if they are in any direct and immediate danger from their actions. If not, you should simply remind yourself that they are adults now and they have the right to make their own choices as well as face any consequences that their choices may lead to, good or bad. These are the times when all you can do is hope that all those years of instruction on how to take care of themselves and be a functional member of society will serve them well. Still, as your children struggle (because at times they all will), keep in mind that everyone learns from the mistakes we make, and we all make them, no matter how old or experienced we may be.

Don’t forget to protect those you love and care for the most with a home security system, which can provide a lifeline in case of medical emergencies, fires, and of course burglaries. I personally recommend ADT home security systems. ADT is the leading provider of home security systems in the U.S., with more than 100 years of experience.